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Christopher Luna by Alisha Jucevic for the Columbian

Christopher Luna by Alisha Jucevic for the Columbian
Christopher Luna by Alisha Jucevic for the Columbian

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

40 Questions Upon Turning 40 by Christopher Luna

40 Questions Upon Turning 40
by Christopher Luna 

Christopher Luna in Newberg, OR August 2011
Photograph by Mary Slocum 

Am I really wiser than my 20-year-old self, or have I merely 
attained a more highly evolved version of the same old foolishness?

How much time do I have?

Can I get it together?

Can I flip the script?

Can one live in the moment while preparing for an uncertain future?

How can I prevent myself from allowing habit-forming thoughts to guide my actions?

Do the friends I have left behind, and the friends who have left me behind, know that I love them still?

Am I full of shit?

Can I quiet my mind?

If I quiet the mind, will the poetry continue to come?

Am I doomed to remain forever in debt?

What prevents me from reaching my full potential?

Will I ever stop being furious at the faithful?

Would opening my heart to the religious serve any purpose?

Who am I to judge?

Why am I so self-righteous?

Why do I miss opportunities?

Am I compassionate enough?

Am I fooling myself?

Am I aware of what is in front of me, or are my eyes clouded by ignorance?

Will I ever be able to forgive her?

Is there no way to stop Angelo, my soon-to-be teenaged son, from concluding that I am an imbecile?

What if I am an imbecile?

Will he be able to hold on to his sweetness?

Will he spend two decades (or more) convinced that I am a fool, as I did with my parents?

How can I be a better partner to Toni, who has provided me such sweet sanctuary and devotion?

Can I control my appetite?

Is insatiability a consequence of karma or temperament?

Is this going to be fun?

Will I find the answers I seek, or just new questions?

Are humility and aesthetic excellence mutually exclusive?

How do I avoid becoming an arrogant prick in sheep’s clothing?

Do I bore people?

Are they interested in my passionate rants, or are they just being polite?

Is it really possible to love everyone?

Does it matter that there are some whom I dislike with an intensity approaching fury?

Is self-analysis a trick of the mind, a distraction, mental masturbation?

Have I learned anything?

How can I be a better man?

What discoveries await me in my fifth decade?   

Christopher Luna
September 10, 2011

1 comment:

Ramtit said...

You forgot the most important question of all, my brother, my friend, my hero,
"Is my family aware of the profound, lasting, inherently good-natured effect I have on them?"

Without a doubt. Some of the best in me comes from you. I am honored, humbled, and undeniably proud to call you my blood, my brother.